Well…if there is one way to bring certain trials and tests to your life, it is to think you have it under control. I wrote more recently about building a good marriage than maybe all of the other previous marriage posts I have written…combined. Last summer was a tough time for us (me) and I was so glad to find the post about keeping marriage hot in the middle of monotony. I was so glad that a whole series of recent posts were inspired by it.
The week that I published the first post…we had one of the roughest weeks in our marriage that we had had in months. It was nasty, soul sinking, defeating to think that I had put so much time into writing about a good marriage when my own was not going to make it if it continued along the same path. So, assume you are in control, assume you know what it takes, assume you are putting in enough effort…and you get an instant guarantee that a few trials and testing of your control can turn everything upside down in. seemingly, seconds.
I completely agree with everything I wrote. Even looking back I don’t feel “hypocritical,” but maybe prideful. It was a humbling experien
ce to realize that I cannot “control” my marriage no matter how much I write about it. I cannot simply write about habits and effort. It is a constant, never-ending blessing. It is all to easy to insert “job” or “chore” instead of blessing. Yes, work is involved. Effort. Continual correcting of bad thoughts. Exhausting filtering of words. Daily action…at the end of a long day…after sensory overload…when all you want to do is snap about how much you have to balance at work and home…all that you do.
It is all to easy to forget that it is a blessing. Sometimes it is a daily lesson for me. I expect more trials. I think that my marriage will continue to be tested, and I don’t know if I will ever truly “master” it. I don’t want to assume that it is completely under control again. However, I feel like maybe I learned more during writing about a good marriage than anyone that will ever read this.
Blessing. It is a blessing to be in marriage. To be in marriage with this specific person. With this father. With this friend. Tomorrow I will probably fall short of blessing him. Shoot…probably this afternoon. But whenever the next trial comes, I pray that humility and love and gracefulness are on my lips. I want to pass this test!