I feel truly blessed to have such a wonderful job, a supportive husband, and sweet, beautiful children. Unfortunately, sometimes it still is not enough to keep me from questioning my purpose…my desire…my place. I know that the best thing for my family is for me to work. Somewhere in my heart of hearts I do know that. The thing that calls it into question every.single.time is when I feel like one of my kids needs me.
I’m not even talking about having a fever or skinned knee or even milestones. Those are all extremely important but “temporary.” Milestones are incredibly monumental but with my luck, even if I was a stay at home mom, I’d miss something while I was at the store. The things that stink…like, really stink…are when I see my kids struggle day after day…especially when things do not improve. With my daughter, I know that if I was there we would not be having some of the issues. For some reason, I am the only one that can calm her down at times. With all of our transitions, both of our kids have had difficulties…ongoing difficulties. Not just a few days. For weeks, almost a month.
It is horrible watching my kids struggle. I hate that “missing me” contributes to some of their behavior. More than anything, I just wish I was there to rock my daughter at nap time so she’d go right to sleep and not scream bloody murder at diaper changes. I wish I was there to comfort my son while he missed daddy, who commuted for 3 months. Instead, he misses daddy…and mommy.
I have a fantastic group of mommy friends that I can troubleshoot with. I have had lots of questions for them recently with some of the difficult behavior from my kiddos. While I have received some terrific, invaluable advice I just keep waiting for someone to remind me that most of it could be avoided if I were at home. Back to feeling guilty.
You know what?? It’s okay. It’s okay that I am not at home. Yes, I would much rather be able to be at home. It is okay that you are not at home! It stinks BIG time. I have cried on my way home several times…and still, it is okay.
Here is why!
- Being home is not always the answer to the issue. More on that later!
- Stay at home moms are not always available when they want to be available either. Often, but not always.
- My kids are learning how to solve a lot of their own problems without mommy jumping in.
- My kids are learning to let other people help them.
- It’s actually brought my husband and me closer trying to troubleshoot problems from “afar” and given us a different perspective.
- I would probably be a LOT more frustrated in the heat of everything if I were at home with the same behavior.
- I truly feel that my kids are very well-balanced at their ages learning some lessons a little early.
- It has actually brought me closer to my kids by having some important conversations.
- One of the best parts of my day is hearing about my son’s day and him asking me about mine.
- Feeling needed at home and being at home often turns into anxiety for me. Being at work and taking my mind off the issues often gives me a new approach.